The world's first wearable that cures baldness.
Meet Fitbit Hair — a smart sweatband that tracks, syncs, and allegedly regrows your follicles in real time. Track your regrowth. Crush your follicle goals. Question your decisions.
Clinically unproven™. Not evaluated by anyone with a medical license. Results not real.
As seen nowhere near a peer-reviewed journal
Real* transformation
From cue ball to crowd-pleaser.
Drag the slider to witness the kind of dramatic, scientifically unsubstantiated transformation our legal team has asked us to label as a “dramatization.”
- 100% of the man pictured grew hair (in this illustration)
- Visible results in just one image editor
- 0 follicles harmed, 0 follicles helped
Drag the slider. Results not typical. Results not real.
How it works
Three steps to a head full of data.
Strap in
Slide the Fitbit Hair sweatband around your head. It fits every dome from 'thinning' to 'cue ball.'
Sync your scalp
Open the app, grant 31 permissions, and watch your follicles appear as little glowing dots.
Grow* the mane
Wear it 23 hours a day for 9–11 months. Statistically, hair happens to someone, somewhere.
* “Grow” is used here in its loosest possible sense.
The science™
Engineered with words that sound like engineering.
FollicleSync™
Pairs with all 4 of your remaining hairs over Bluetooth and nudges them to recruit friends.
Scalp Telemetry
Live heatmap of your dome streams 1,400 follicle data points per second to an app you'll open twice.
RegrowthOS
On-device AI gently reminds each follicle of who it used to be back in college.
Sweat-to-Serum
Patented terry-cloth membrane recycles your forehead sweat into a luxurious follicle smoothie.
Goal Streaks
Hit your daily 10,000 follicle steps and earn badges no employer will ever respect.
7-Day Battery
Lasts a full week, which is also exactly how long until you stop wearing it. Synergy.
Reviews
Loved by heads that have given up on alternatives.
“I've worn it every day for six months. No hair yet, but my forehead has never been more hydrated.”
“The follicle leaderboard is so addictive. I'm currently ranked 4th in my household. We are one person.”
“My doctor told me to stop. The app told me to keep going. I trust the device that lives on my head.”
Pricing
Choose the mane you'll never have.
Peach Fuzz
For the optimistically thinning.
- 1 Fitbit Hair sweatband
- Basic follicle counting
- 1 free sweat-to-serum refill
- Hope (90-day supply)
Full Mane
Our most denied tier.
- Everything in Peach Fuzz
- Real-time scalp heatmap
- Goal streaks & follicle badges
- Priority access to results that won't happen
Lion's Mane
Subscribe to your own scalp.
- Everything in Full Mane
- Concierge follicle coaching
- Annual hair that never arrives
- Cancel anytime (you won't)
30-day money-back guarantee, redeemable in follicles we cannot provide.
Frequently dodged questions
- Does Fitbit Hair actually cure baldness?
- Absolutely, definitively, legally we cannot say. It tracks the baldness with unprecedented precision while it happens.
- Is this affiliated with Google or Fitbit?
- No. This is a parody. Please do not email Google. Please do not email us either, honestly.
- What happens if I stop wearing it?
- The same thing that happens if you keep wearing it, but with a slightly drier forehead.
- Can women wear Fitbit Hair?
- Anyone with a head is pre-qualified. That's our entire addressable market and we're thrilled about it.
Your follicles are waiting.
Join the dozens of men measuring their hair loss with unprecedented accuracy. Strap in. Sync up. Stay bald, but informed.
Pre-order Fitbit Hair